A PLACE WHERE YOU COULD BE HAPPY

Someone told me no long time ago, that I became the kind of person that can't be happy anywhere.
I think I've been like that for a long time because somewhere inside me I dream of a place I could call "Home". And this place is clearly printed in my mind.
I sometimes imagine what would my house look like and how I would arrange the furniture. But I don't know where would that be...

The truth is I've been like that since I left the place that was my home.

My parents bought a house in a street filled with flowers, and my childhood was spent there: in this house, in this street. In the park next to it, and in the military camp where we used to sneak-in to get blackberries that we would bring back home, and my mum would make jam with it...
My parents divorced, I left the house at 16 years old.
The house got sold and all my childhood disappeared with it.
Since then I moved a lot and never managed to feel home anywhere. I collected post-cards and posters that I would stick on the walls of my rooms. I would collect any little things I would find or I got offered thinking that one day, these things will find a place in MY home. The one of my dream, the one I would create.

Some of you would think I'm a materialist person but that not how I see it. Every little things, drawings, sculptures, images would be attached in my mind to a sentimental affection toward the person who would have given it to me. Or to the souvenir that it would remind me of.

But then I grew older, I moved further, and everytime, I collected things that I had to give up in the end, to go somewhere again. So I became less sentimental and now, every time I go home (to my parents home to be exact) I go through my fetishes like an anthropologist and try to get realistic over their real value. Sometimes, with regrets, I get rid of one of them. Do you want to know what it feels like to me?
It's like tearing apart a picture of someone you used to love, It's painful but necessary.

Anyway it's true, I can't be happy anywhere. I can't keep a job and I get bored very quickly. I can't stand anyone telling me who I am or what I should do. And when I arrive at the point where things become habits, I start to feel trapped and I run away.
I don't know why I act that way. But maybe it's simply because I haven't find my home yet.
Maybe I will never feel at home again. Maybe I'll keep running away all my life.
But I'm a dreamer! And I hope I can find a place where I can be happy and  that I will call HOME.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yoAPw-eJuYo

Homesick

When we travel for the first time somewhere, we find everything around us amazing, new, refreshing, different. And it's a wonderful sensation because it's like being a kid again, discovering the world around us!
I wish this feeling could stay forever and that it would never go away...
Instead our new world become part of us. Because we live there, wake up every morning and see the same street and the same people, and we go to work and there is nothing to discover anymore.
Our life becomes a succession of repeated habits and we start to feel like it's time to move again.

Then we start to think about home and all what we've left behind and how much we miss those days with our friends when we used to have so much fun! And we miss our parents even though our family is fucked up, and we start planning a trip back home.
And we think about it for a while and eventually buy a plane ticket. While we wait for the day when we will be going back home, we start to see the new country where we are like at the beginning. We compare everything we see or do here to the way it is back home: "Why do they make things so complicated here? In my country it's like this, we don't do like that. We party that way and it's so much more fun... etc...etc..."
And this my Friends it's called being HOMESICK!

Ok so let say you are Homesick and you finally go back home. You're going to see your friends and do all the fun stuff you used to do. You are also going to see your family and they all going to greet you like the long time gone kid and ask you millions of questions...
But that is what you think! 

In reality, life didn't stop when you left and most of your friends moved on with their lives and got jobs, new girlfriends/boyfriends...
They don't really have time for you, and they don't have much to say.
Some seems like they completely forgot you even existed...
Well it's not the most enjoyable part of leaving abroad, but it's a part of life you have to experience. It's time to move on with the past, and maybe sort out who are your real friends.

So I've got some advices if you are planning on travelling:

- Don't forget to keep in touch regularly with your friends and family.

 - And don't get too big expectation when you come back home, cause you might be disappointed by a lot of people.

Take it easy... "Friendship" is like "Love": No one really knows the definition. It's something you feel. Sometimes it hurts but sometimes it can surprise you when you least expect it...